


The Measure of a Life

by AllTheQueensHorses



Category: The Queen's Thief - Megan Whalen Turner
Genre: Fear of Death, Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:08:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24719551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTheQueensHorses/pseuds/AllTheQueensHorses
Summary: Spoilers for Thick as Thieves.Set after Attolia’s miscarriage. Eugenides’ thoughts in the temple as he waits for news.
Relationships: Attolia | Irene/Eugenides
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	The Measure of a Life

Eugenides remembered when his mother had died. In the days following, it had felt like he was hovering above a dark chasm, seeing anonymous passersby dressed in black moving around it, making funeral arrangements, saying ‘you’ll be better soon,’ his young face frozen emotionless. Some days the chasm wasn’t below him but all around him, choking out any feelings other than deep, overwhelming sadness and waves of suffocating grief that left him gasping for air between sobs.

He couldn’t let Irene fall into that chasm too. 

He couldn’t live without her.

He stretched himself in supplication before the altar, begging, pleading for anything but. 

He wasn’t sure what he promised to the gods. He promised anything he could think of. 

Sometimes he didn’t speak at all, the tears falling on the stone tile prayers enough. 

Sometimes he wished in anger she had never gotten pregnant, wishing the baby would be lost instead of her. 

Didn’t an established life, the life of his wife, his queen, his life, hold more value than one of a voiceless babe?

He felt guilt and regret in an instant. It would have been their first-born child. The kingdom mourned the possibility. 

But only the gods could measure a life.

He would trade a kingdom of gold to save her, and he would have if he could. 

He would trade his life.

Eugenides prayed. 

He didn’t notice when various attendants tried to coax him to eat a few bites or to ‘come, get some rest.’ 

He lay on the stone floor until a court physician cautiously approached, searching the man’s face for any news, hoping, almost wanting to remain ignorant.

If he didn’t know, she couldn’t be gone.

But she wasn’t. She was sleeping, the man said, and appeared to be recovering. 

Eugenides felt the chasm losing its grip on him, fading away into the shadows in the corners of the temple. He could breathe again. 

The baby was lost, but there would be another.

His shoulders shook and he cried in grief and relief for a life lost and a life saved. His senior attendant was at his elbow, helping him to his feet, catching at him when he stumbled from lack of sleep. 

Eugenides silently promised to any gods listening that he would never take the weight of a life for granted again.


End file.
